For some people, an impending divorce is obvious. They are aware of how negative their marital relationship has become and how resentful their spouse currently is. They have not chosen to file, but they know that they might receive service any day.
For others, a divorce filing may come seemingly out of the blue. Some people file for divorce because they have engaged in extramarital affairs that they have successfully hidden. Others hide their intentions for months as they prepare themselves for divorce by making practical arrangements and consulting with an attorney.
Those who did not see a divorce filing coming often feel shocked and unsure of how to react. There are several steps that people generally need to take after receiving unexpected service with divorce paperwork from a spouse.
Lawyer up as soon as possible
Many people want to think that they could resolve divorce matters amicably. However, if they try to manage the process on their own, they may put themselves at a major disadvantage. The spouse who has already filed has likely already consulted with an attorney and taken steps to optimize the outcome for their own benefit. Someone responding to an unexpected divorce filing needs information about the divorce process and advocacy to ensure a fair outcome.
Gather records from the marriage
Having accurate financial information is crucial for those preparing for divorce. Income and tax records help establish the financial obligations that spouses have to each other and any children that they share. Financial records also influence the terms set for property division matters. Determining what assets are separate property, looking for hidden assets and evaluating the marital estate are all important steps for those hoping to secure a fair outcome in an upcoming divorce.
Set big-picture goals
It is so easy to let the emotional reaction to an unexpected divorce filing overshadow everything else. People lean into their feelings and make irrational choices. They fight over unnecessary issues or withdraw completely and let their spouse set all the terms. The best approach to divorce involves handling emotions outside of negotiations and the courtroom. Those who learn about state law regarding property division, financial support and parental responsibilities can set realistic goals for the divorce process based on likely outcomes rather than feelings.
Those who set and focus on specific, realistic goals are less likely to waste their time and energy on unnecessary conflict during divorce negotiations and litigation. Taking these steps in a timely fashion is also of the utmost importance. People who ignore divorce filings for too long may become unable to propose their own terms.
Getting the right assistance while preparing for divorce proceedings can make a major difference for those who didn’t expect a recent divorce filing. Spouses who react appropriately can minimize the harm caused by the divorce and focus on a brighter future.
